I Fell For My Coworker and F*cked Up My Life. Update: I Wrote a Book

I recently went through an experience that completely uprooted who I thought I was.

I had a decent-paying job in San Francisco, working as a health educator for a highly regarded nonprofit. It was my first big girl job and a chance to show up for my community every day, something that deeply mattered to me. The work wasn’t always easy, but it gave me purpose, stability, and respect.

Then I fell for a colleague.

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We worked in the same department and spent long shifts together.

What started as friendship grew into something deeper. When I finally admitted my feelings, he told me he felt the same. He wanted to try for something real, though he admitted his time was stretched thin between supervising our department while being a single father of two. Against my better judgment, I ignored my own rule about not dating men with children.

That’s how much I wanted him.

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At first it felt mutual, but reality hit fast. I craved simple things: lunch breaks together, coffee before shifts, late night dinner, a walk in the park during downtime. We worked side by side and his sister who he visited often only lived ten minutes away from me. Yet, he acted as if he had no time for me.

I grew frustrated, and he eventually said he felt trapped.

“Trapped.”

That was heart wrenching, especially considering we barely spent time together.

Then came the real betrayal.

He always seemed to be with another coworker, our male coworker.

Everywhere I turned, there they were.

It dawned on me that their closeness wasn’t just friendship. I was way too jealous for it to feel like a friend. My gut was screaming at me. When I confronted him via text, he said nothing. In fact, he avoided me like Covid-19. He even attempted to cross the street to keep from walking past me and when that failed, he walked around a very small pole while holding two cups of coffee in his hand. As if that pole would hide the truth of the matter.

His silence and blatant avoidance were as loud as the weed he always had on him.

It was the last time I saw him.

Three days after,

I quit my job.

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I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat.

I have struggled with sleep in my life before but not eating? That let me know just how bruised, dare I say broken my heart was. I had about five to six months of savings and I leaned into survival mode. I applied for every job under the sun, I went to the gym, started cooking at home, quit smoking and rediscovered my love for writing and singing.

One month turned to two..then suddenly it’s been four months into my plan and the truth stings:

I lost the only steady job I ever had in the Bay Area because of a man.

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I’ve been rejected from jobs I know I’m qualified for, entry-level; even below sea level minimum wage jobs were shutting me down. I’ve been ghosted after interviews, ignored after tailoring resumes and coming up with cover letters. I searched on various platforms. At this point I can’t help but wonder if God orchestrated all of this because I was meant to do something completely different and out of my comfort zone.

Don’t get me wrong friends, I’m not blaming this guy for where I am in my life or for what I’ve gone through since we cut ties. I decided to quit my job because it felt like the best solution. May I say though, I tried to get medical leave, but my doctor wouldn’t support it. I tried to do everything but resign from my role, but nothing was working.

Showing up to work in the state I was operating out of: crying, chain smoking, drinking, it would’ve gotten me fired anyway.

I chose what I thought would protect my mental health, but financially it’s left me hanging by a thread.

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Still, I’ve learned. I’ve learned to ask more questions about a mans’ intentions and actually listen to the words he’s saying as well as the one’s he’s not saying. I’ve learned the value of my body and heart. I’ve learned better ways to save my money and stretch it longer, how to hustle for more and also that it’s obnoxiously expensive in the Bay Area.

I’ve learned to walk away instead of trying to walk with someone who’s destined to go in a different direction.

I also see what I’ve gained.

I’ve gained the ability to live without numbing my feelings with substances. I’ve gained strength mentally, emotionally and physically. Spirituality too, I’ve learned to pray and I’ve learned a few Bible verses along the way. I’ve learned to cook new recipes, train my voice better and write like I breathe. I’ve learned to reflect and grow through my pain.

I’m doing it in this very moment.

I don’t know what the future holds but I’m not afraid. I’m choosing to surrender to God’s will and trust him.

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The path I was on wasn’t aligned with my higher purpose. I know that this painful detour is taking me somewhere better. I know that everything I went through was for a reason, even if I can’t see the end result quite yet.

The heartbreak, the struggle and the rejection wasn’t for nothing and next time,

I won’t fall for someone so blindly. I’ll grow in love with a wisdom I didn’t have before.

Many of us have fallen for the wrong person. Many people have experienced the reveal of their love interest trapping themselves in the closet and in one way or another, we’ve all been hurt before. I’m with you.

For the full story purchase my e-book, Shift Happens on my shop for $2.22.