Diversity Isn’t the Same as Justice

Racism doesn’t disappear: it evolves

I moved from the South to the Bay Area over three years ago. When I tell people about my down-South upbringing, I often get questioned about how I “dealt” with being out there. How do I deal with racism, sexism, and unbearably traditional views?

In case you don’t know this about me: I am Black.

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Experiencing racism as a Black person is something many of us learn very young and very quickly. I was a child when the aftermath of the government’s response to Hurricane Katrina attacked Black lives. I was barely in high school when Trayvon Martin was murdered. I was wise enough at six years old to not believe in Santa, because why would an old white man help a little Black girl in Brooklyn? (my place of origin)

It’s also important (not really) to mention we didn’t have a chimney or leave out cookies, but I digress.

Racism is an unfortunate rite of passage for Black Americans. I couldn’t escape it if I tried. If you’re Black and you haven’t experienced it, you’re either rich and forgot about the rest of us, or you didn’t notice it, didn’t challenge it and you are a fool, a coon even. An Uncle Ruckus in a world of Huey’s, Riley’s, and Grandads.

I’m side eyeing every non black person who says their favorite character is Uncle Ruckus, btw.

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When I moved to the Bay, I was shocked at how often I got that question. Funny enough, many of those same people had racial bias and they didn’t even see it or they did and they justified it.

I loathe those people.

I loathe that folks call the Bay a “melting pot” and “diverse” while refusing to talk about the obvious hate and racial bias toward Oakland, a predominately black city. They don’t want to talk about all the Black people who were pushed out and displaced. They never want to talk about the fact that as wealthy as San Francisco is, the Blackest neighborhood, Bayview/Hunters Point is the least funded and rarely, if ever, appears in stats for health justice in San Francisco.

Racism is alive and well in the Bay. Did they forget who Angela Davis was? Oscar Grant? Do they think the fight is over? Or do they think that because they don’t lynch people here that racism can’t exist? They don’t see the way they react to and judge Black people. They don’t see a problem with the fact that non-Black people in the Bay Area are concerningly comfortable say “n*gga” much more than Black people do. They justify why they say a word that will NEVER impact them the way it will people like me.

They want to say it’s not a big deal, as if the history of that word is their burden to carry. As if they know the feeling that occurs in one’s stomach when they hear that word. As if they too wouldn’t be infuriated by the erasure of their own history because “it’s not a big deal” TO YOU.

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I resent the question “how did you deal with all the racism down there,” because what the Bay doesn’t know is that the Black community and love within it in the South is large.

Much larger than their not so micro aggressions.

They don’t know that, although segregation isn’t legal, we still have our pockets. Even my college campus cafeteria had a Black and White section. It wasn’t labeled, but we all knew. We know where to go and where not to go. Also, unfortunately, you will meet more people in the south that own a gun than people who don’t: so all parties generally know to tread lightly when crossing paths.

This doesn’t mean people can’t come together in the South, we can. It just means people find their people and stay there. Some will call that divisive.

Well, so is the world we live in.

If you can’t see that, you are part of the problem and your naivety is extremely unsettling and already pissing me off.

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You don’t have to hold a gun in my face and call me a n*gger to be a racist.

You can assume I’m angry when I’m not, that’s racial bias.

You can ask dumb-ass questions like “Why are Black women so angry?” or “Why are Black men so aggressive?” That’s racial bias.

You can claim to be scared simply because you see a Black man in the vicinity. That’s racial bias.

You can ask another Black person for support when talking to Black people because your bias can’t fathom that Black people are actually human.

You can say some goofy shit like “I don’t see color,” when every fucking day Black and Brown people are being terrorized, abused, and brutally murdered. Extinct.

You can also ask to touch my hair. That’s racial bias and a bit obsessive because why the fuck do you want to touch my hair?

You can ask if it’s real. Racial bias.

You can date and fuck the gender of the Black people you are attracted to while simultaneously bashing, criticizing, and harshly judging the opposing sex. Racial bias.

You don’t have to be blatantly racist to be racist. Let me change the language: racism is about power.

If you do not fall into the categories that hold power, there’s a good chance you’re a weak bitch with no power. But even if you do hold some sort of false sense of power, if you have to tear others down; you are WEAK. You are prejudice, ignorant, foolish, anti-Black, racially biased and at the very least stupid and mentally ill.

It’s gotta be a mental illness to hate someone for how they look.

I don’t care how you grew up or what you were taught. I was taught that White people kidnapped my ancestors and forced them to build this “free land” you call America. That doesn’t give me the right to be hateful, spiteful, or outright disrespectful to every White or White-passing person I see.

So what excuse does anybody else have?

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I do not have compassion for the willfully ignorant.

There is no excuse, especially as an adult, to carry those thoughts and throw them out into the world.

So that’s how I “deal.” I don’t.

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I’m writing this because the world is on fire. Truth be told, it’s been on fire for Black and POC. But now that White people are mad, oh it’s over. We’re dying. They’re going to Mars.

I feel called to share my thoughts out loud and to fight as loud and as hard as I possibly can; but I don’t deal with racism.

I don’t carry on conversations with people who will actively provoke me just to prove to themselves that I am an “angry Black woman.” I don’t teach people how to talk to Black people. I am a grown-ass woman and I only want other grown people near me, grown people who see the issues in the world and don’t try to debate them.

There is no debate when it comes to racism. Do not be dense. I really hate stupidity and I am really angry writing this.

I’ve been having these conversations my entire life as have my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmothers and their fights were even greater than mine..though history is repeating itself in this very moment.

It never ends and it likely never will, not while I’m alive at least.

So I don’t deal with racism. I ignore it. I fight it. I resent it. I hate it. I burn the shit to the ground and I continue to LIVE my beautiful, blessed Black life.

It’s the least I could do for all the Black people that didn’t get that privilege.

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I spend time with people who respect me without the extra baggage of a racial conversation. If my crew is an all Black affair, so fucking be it. I’m not being prejudiced, I’m protecting my peace and my people. I’m responding to the treatment I have been given throughout my life and if I’m being honest; I lowkey, on the lowest of keys miss down-South racism.

Yup.

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I don’t miss the cops or shitty laws, I don’t miss seeing confederate flags or getting pulled over randomly multiple times when I know I wasn’t speeding; but I miss the fact that people were outwardly racist. Meaning, you know what you’re getting when you see them and you can act accordingly. Rather than being a green bean in a melting pot only to realize the carrots don’t like you or your kind. In fact, they envy you for your flavor all while attempting to imitate your curves, essence and beautiful imperfections.

So, in short: I do not, will not, and will never “deal” with racism.

I’ll go out guns blazing every time in the name of Black lives.

#SAYTHEIRNAMES

Oscar Grant

Trayvon Martin

Michelle Cusseaux

Pearlie Golden

Tanisha Anderson

Natasha McKenna

Tamir Rice

Mya Hall

Alexia Christian

Eric Harris

Walter Scott

Joyce Curnell

Ralkina Jones

India Kager

Freddie Gray

Kisha Michael

Sandra Bland

Korryn Gaines

Alton Sterling

Deborah Danner

Michelle Shirley

Philando Castile

Charleena Lyles

Stephon Clark

Decynthia Clements

Botham Jean

Pamela Turner

Atatiana Jefferson

Breonna Taylor

George Floyd

Daunte Wright

Patrick Lyoya

Tony McDade

Modesto “Marrero Desto” Reyes

Ruben Smith III

Jarvis Sullivan

Terrell Mitchell

Momodou Lamin Sisay

Trey Reed

Jayvon Maurice

I could keep going. There are hundreds, thousands more and it happens ALL over the country, the fucking world.

If you only knew how long the list was and the fact that it was even harder to find the list of Black women because the world often forgets us. I don’t know that I can ever finish writing their names. It was an emotional battle just going through the list, seeing names I hadn’t heard and remembering how I felt when I first heard their names.

To the ones not listed here: I’m so sorry we failed you. I’m sorry the world failed you. I pray for your peace and reserved place in Heaven.

I’m sorry I didn’t know you and I will spend the rest of my days making sure nobody, not even myself EVER forgets.