Free Yourself From Situationship Culture
I’ve never actually been in a “situationship.” You know why?
Because I don’t play those games. My Venus is in Leo, you’ve got a month to figure out if you want me or not.
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Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t put someone on a specific timeline to define the relationship. It takes time to get to know people but it doesn’t take a man that long to decide if he wants to pursue you, and only you.
If you’ve been dealing with a man for several months; sharing your body, secrets, fears, dreams, goals, inner circle and you’re still not together? I don’t want to be the one to say it but:
he is never going to ask you to be his girlfriend.
Why would he? You’ve given him everything without him ever having to claim you.
I’m not saying this to make you feel bad. There is absolutely zero shame in loving out loud and expecting to receive it in return.
I’m saying this because I need the girls to wake up. I’ve been seeing this behavior since my high school days. I clocked it then, and I’m clocking it now.
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If he says he wants to “take a break,” what he really wants is continued access to you, without the pressure of commitment so he can explore his options without losing you.
If he says he’s “not ready for a relationship” but still takes you on dates and sleeps with you, he’s telling you that he likes you enough to be involved, but he doesn’t value you enough to choose you and be loyal.
If he’s telling you he wants to “go with the flow,” remember that the flow is unpredictable and often chaotic. Some flows lead to waterfalls and you do know what happens if you go down a waterfall right?
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Listen to what they’re telling you. Do not settle for half-ass or “good enough” when you deserve it ALL.
How sick is it to give your all to someone who won’t even give you the title and security of an official relationship?
What are these boys so scared of anyway? A relationship doesn’t mean you must be together forever. It means two people commit to choosing each other. If it doesn’t work out because you want different things or life pulls you in different directions, then it doesn’t work out. That’s okay.
What’s not okay is preying on a woman’s emotions to feel satisfied without putting in the effort to deserve her warmth. It’s also not okay for women to know, deep down, what’s happening but keep making excuses for it.
Bryson Tiller put us on game when he said “he only fucked you over ‘cause you let him.”
Men are simple and not that hard to read. Sure, there are master manipulators and Oscar-worthy actors; I’ve dealt with one or two but I walked away the moment I felt mistreated. At some point when you keep going through the same cycles in different phases, you have to be honest with yourself.
In some way, shape or form, you are contributing to your own suffering. One or two players is one thing but every guy “playing” you? Girl..a part of you is letting that shit slide.
The good news is, you allowing this behavior doesn’t define your character but it can define your patterns and mindset. Even when I don’t always like myself or I feel insecure, I still value myself. I am loyal to myself. I am loyal enough to myself to walk away from the people, places and things that do not serve, support and nourish me.
I hope my words don’t sting too much. This is the exact way I’d talk to my little sisters or girlfriends. I don’t play small or quiet. I’m loud and passionate about uplifting people I care about. If you’re reading this and we’ve never met, I care about and value you because you’re here. I value women, always. I only want for you to value you, too.
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If you need a quick guide or safe space to better love yourself, check out my free self-love toolkit, “The Lover Girl Guide.”
May you free yourself from the shackles of a bare minimum love that inevitably leads to heartbreak.
